Patience and Alice.

This is a word I really need to see a lot and be reminded of. Patience can be so difficult and I feel like I have been patient for so long. As I often write about, I am in such a time of transition and really have been for the last four years. That sounds crazy doesn't it? Four years sounds like such a long time to be in this kind of stuck/lost place. Part of it is an astrological transit I am going though. I am Alice in Wonderland at the moment. I have journeyed deep down the rabbit hole. I have been finding all these parts of myself that I had lost or I never knew that I had. I have learned so much about myself. I feel like I am being born again many times a day. It is a wild ride. It has been a wild ride I really would like to be able to get off soon. It's time!

It's time for me to feel more settled, more confident, more loved, more calm, more joy and basically more found. Sometimes I get this kind of panic rising up in me. Panic about how I will ever actually make enough money to support myself in a way that is authentic to who I am. Panic that I will never feel any of these things that I need more of. Panic that I will never find someone I love deeply and who loves me deeply back. When this panic arises, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be and that I already am more than I can even imagine.

Phases.

We all go through phases in our lives. Sometimes I want to immerse myself into the world of literature and writing. That often means that I do more blogging. These days I don't want to write. I also don't seem to want to pull my camera out to document my day's happenings. What do I want to do? I want to knit and crochet beautiful things. I want to sew myself some new pants with organic cotton fabrics. I want to cook amazing things like homemade pita, falafel, tomato bisque, corn chowder and eat lots of yummy garden fresh tomatoes. I want to listen to music and lay in savasana for long periods of time.

I get weekly vedic astrology updates from David Hawthorne. This weeks horoscope for everyone said to "write off August." There was more but that part cracked me up. So, yep, I am trying to take a bit of a break and do things that feed me.

What feeds you? I would love to know!

This weekend.

farmers markets (2 of them)
yoga
reading outside
knitting
crocheting
playing
mantra
lentils
melons
olives
and lots of yumminess!

Some things are just meant to be.

For a few weeks I have had the feeling that I need to go to this Ecstatic Chant weekend at Omega. It isn't very far from where I am living and I don't think I will live here too much longer. I have never even been to an official kirtan before. For this to be my first is amazing! It isn't cheap and I was pretty worried about the money. Last week I sent an email to a friend of my mom's to ask him about it because he has gone for the last five years. Much to my shock and amazement he offered to give me a big chunk of money upfront to be able to go. He had been thinking that he would love to help someone financially to get to go to this amazing event. I am going to trade him some acupuncture treatments for his generosity. I guess I really am meant to go. I am finally opening up to the Universe and accepting abundance into my life. I guess it's ok to accept a little help from others. One day I know I will have the opportunity to do the same for someone else.

Want to know more about it? Click here!

Quiet.

This week I have been way busier than I would like to have been. I ended up doing a lot of difficult shamanic work this week and I really just want to be alone but that hasn't really been possible. The only things that have been really helping me to stay sane this week are yoga and knitting.

I finished this sweater this week. I used this pattern but made some modifications. One of the complaints that a lot of people seem to have with this pattern is that the arms are super narrow. I do not and probably never will have skinny arms so I went a little crazy making them wider. I could tell after a couple rows that they were rather huge but I decided to make them into a bit of a bell sleeve. I decreased a little around the elbows but it is still a bit baggy there. I like the overall feel though and it will be fabulous in the winter with a long sleeve shirt underneath. Oh and I know it's not the best pic but oh well. I can't work on perfection with that right now.




This weekend I learn to crochet. I am starting with a rather ambitious project that I learned about here, on Anna Maria's blog.I don't see any reason for me to start with a project that is too simple.

I guess I better get some studying in along the way. :) Can't put it off too long.

My list for August..

1. Do yoga a minimum of 4x a week.
2. Continue getting out into nature for a walk or run a few times a week.
3. Finish knitting my sweater.
4. FInish knitting the purse from years ago.
5. Be kinder to myself.
6. Go to a farmer's market every weekend.
7. Have a picnic outside even if it's only in backyard.
8. Start quilting something...a beach blanket, table runner, something...
9. Make at least one yummy vegan brunch.
10. Schedule my Chinese herbs NCCAOM test (done September 22 is the date) and study for it.
11. Eat as much fresh produce as possible!
12. Plant my tulsi and white sage seeds in pots.
13. Learn to crochet.
14. Patch the holes in the kitchen walls and prep for painting.

The process.

I can't believe that it has been almost a week since I last posted. Time sure does fly by. I don't think that I have gone into too much detail about the shamanism that I study. I felt like doing that today. I am currently reading this book. My shamanic teacher told me to read it. It is basically the same lineage I am studying. It's nice to see a bunch of stuff written down. It is not a written tradition but I am so visual that it is nice to see some of the words ect. In the book, Alberto Villodo, discusses how the earlier stages of training are about separating the shaman from their individual story and really knowing how we are totally one with everything around us. For some reason seeing it written in that way made something shift in me. I feel like I have a better understanding as to why so much of my past has really been popping up in dreams and in the things that happen to me in everyday life. I really am purging my past. It is coming up so that it can be released. Things and people are showing up in my life so that I can truly deal with my issues, learn from them and then release them. The only way to truly be neutral when working with people is to have released much of our own crap that we all tend to carry around.

One of the biggest things I am noticing is how much people are totally in their heads. There is so much study about different forms of spirituality in our country today. This is a good thing. The thing is that so much of it becomes so intellectualized that it stays all in the mind and not really in the heart. When I first moved to Boulder a few years ago, I was at a little import shop with a friend. I won't go into the entire story as to why but two 40 something women actually started to get into a physical confrontation over who was a more devout Buddhist. Ok ladies, aren't we missing one of the major beliefs in Buddhism, no violence. I mean seriously people. The world is such a fascinating place, isn't it? I will admit that I am noticing these things so much right now because I am really shifting out of that head space and into the heart space. It is so weird how many shifts occur when this happens. I am a lot calmer now. I have more faith that everything is exactly how it is supposed to be at this particular moment in time.

I can feel magical events happening all around me. I am so excited to see where my life will lead. There are big changes in the air. I can't wait!!