Many thoughts....

go through my head on nights that I cannot sleep. This doesn't really happen all that often anymore. I am beyond ecstatic to say that. After having difficulty sleeping for most of my 33 years, I am so grateful that sleep is not usually a problem for me at this point in my life. I blame tonight's issue on the very small amount of chocolate I consumed at about 9pm. Seriously maybe my system is getting a bit too pure.

I am listening to Krishna Das as I type. I am pretty obsessed with kirtan right now, especially KD. Yep, at like 1:30 in the morning I am listening to music, singing/chanting, blogging, backing up my computer and just finished yoga. Oh well.

Some things I am thinking about.....

-How much my heart has opened. I am thinking of all my far away friends who I just want to be able to give a hug to. I am thinking of my family and sending them love. I am silently conversing with my granny who passed out of this life 5 years ago but I know she is still hanging around with me.

-I am thinking about my application to Kripalu yoga teaching training and hoping that they give me a big enough scholarship that I can afford to go. I have much faith that it will happen. I let the feelings of not be enough flow through me. Am I skinny enough, strong enough, confident enough to actually go through with it? Deep down inside I know that I am.

- I think of all my animals and pray for their health and happiness. I ask all the angels and guides, Pan and the Nature spirits, and Saint Frances of Assisi to help heal them and clear them of anything that might be damaging and fill them with lots of energy of love, happiness, healing and whatever else they wish for. I wonder if all these entities get tired of me calling to them. I do it all the time with my own animals and with those stray or hurt ones I see anywhere.

- I give gratitude for everything I can possibly think of. Very long list indeed. I am especially grateful for how much my internal landscape has changed and about how much peace I feel.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU ! THANK YOU!

Kindness.

One issue that has been coming up over and over with me is the idea of kindness. A couple of times recently I have been reading some of the blogs that I tend to keep up on. I occasionally read the comments left by readers. I have been noticing all of the negative comments left by others. They are judging how other people choose to live their lives and often being just plain old mean. It makes me kind of want to continue not promoting my blog. I am not sure that I want to leave myself open to that kind of judgement. It has probably been one of the reasons I have been rather slow to update lately.

It just seems that so much of the time I see people being so disparaging of other peoples choices. Food is a big one for this. People think your evil if you eat animal products and crazy and unhealthy if you don't. People think that women are bad if they work out of the house when they have children or that they are lazy if they don't. It can all just be a bit too much for me. Sometimes I really just want to crawl in a little cave and hibernate. Hmm, I guess the season for that it upon us.

I ask everyone..Can't we all be a lot nice and a bunch more accepting of the choices that other people make in their lives?

Exciting stuff.

It looks like it has been a little while since I have been here. I have been doing a fabulous job with my daily yoga practice. I am feeling better physically than I have for years. I will admit that is not simply from the yoga. The whole gluten free thing is really changing my life. I have done it before but never at the same time as no dairy or other animal products. It is working. I have had absolutely no digestive (I won't give the details and be happy for that) issues in the last 9 days. It is amazing and life changing already. My life has really been so affected by getting sick every time I eat anything. People keep asking me how I have the willpower to stay off of animal products and gluten. Honestly it takes no willpower for me. It is so easy. I have huge ethical, spiritual, and health reasons behind not eating anything accept plant-based food which makes it so easy. As far as the gluten is concerned, the fact that I am not in constant pain is a wonderful incentive.

Feeling better is helping me to see more clearly how I want to start moving forward. I am applying for yoga teaching training at Kripalu in the late winter. I am also applying for a scholarship because there is no way I can afford it right now. We will see what happens. I figure if I am meant to do it then it will work out. I am also really thinking and working on the possibility of returning to my much loved San Diego next spring. I have missed it since I left which I never wanted to do. It has a piece of my heart. I think that one of my dearest friends and I can have a whole lot of fun with our idea of a different kind of healing center place. We have some amazing and very exciting ideas. Yay!! I love thinking about all the fabulous things that the future can bring. I also try to be really mindful of also living in the present and learning the lessons that must be learned while hopefully enjoying it at least a little.

October's New Moon!

As I mentioned earlier, I am doing Marianne Elliot's 30 Days of Yoga starting the 7th. I am starting today since it is already the 7th in New Zealand which is where Marianne is. I am setting some intentions for this month to go along with this. Here they are:

-to gain physical strength and feel comfortable starting to go to yoga classes at an ashram near my house
-to feel more grounded and centered
-gain more clarity on where I want to be heading in my life
-to start to feel a little bit more like myself which is a really hard thing for me to do living here in NY
-....to be continued

As well as yoga, I am also going through all of the stuff I own. I was going to set an intention of getting rid of a box or bag of stuff a day but truth be told, I don't have that much stuff to get rid of. I already have set aside 3 bags of clothes so that is a good start.


Ugh, I just looked back at this post and it really bores me. I am not sure exactly what I a trying to say but it is so much more than what is really written here. There is something really deep inside me trying to make it's way out. I guess that all I can really do is to be patient and BREATHE.

A Benedryl haze.

I do not know where this pic originally came from but I found it on this blog which has some really cool design ideas.

My allergies have been horrible for the last couple of months. NY is the only place that I have more severe allergies. In the past, I have had allergies that involve my throat closing and a trip to the ER. This left me with a lot of fear when allergies kick in. When I start sneezing non-stop and my throat gets itchy, I take Benedryl. It is the only thing that works but boy does it make me sleepy. For the last couple of months I have been continuously under the influence of this sleepiness inducing medicine. I am so tired of it. I have all these ideas of things I want to do but then I get tired and can't focus and I have to move onto something else. I am so looking forward to being free from this. I am so done with feeling like I could just fall asleep any second.

Salsa!!

I really think that one of my favorite foods are tomatoes. I eat one or 2 every day during tomato season. THey are so yummy sliced with just a little salt and pepper. A a way for me to continue to enjoy this seasons yummy crop I made some salsa to enjoy into the winter. It is so exciting to learn to can. One day I love the idea of canning much of my own food to enjoy year around.